The Thing That’s In Your Way
When we say we are going to do something, especially something that we really want to do, the ideal situation is that we do it. From an accountability coaching perspective, our role is to help you 1) decide what you want to do and 2) hold you accountable to getting it done.
The only reason you need 2) is because of resistance. Resistance is what we call the block/barrier/thing that gets in the way of that happening. I wouldn’t have a job if resistance did not exist. And in my experience there are generally two kinds of resistance.
- Internal resistance: this is the resistance that comes from our own thoughts and fears (conscious or subconscious) that prevent us from doing the thing that we want to do.
- External resistance: circumstances outside of ourselves (in or out of control) that distract, prevent, or deter us from the action we want to take.
Internal resistance could be something like self-judgment or criticism that what we are trying to do isn’t helpful, isn’t going to work, or that we don’t have what it takes.
External resistance could be constant interruptions or distractions from technology. Other people that are challenged by the changes you want to make and therefore knowingly or unknowingly sabotage the change. Structural barriers. The simple fact that someone like you hasn’t done this thing before, so the system offers no clear path.
How to deal with both
Internal resistance is sneaky. It rarely announces itself. It disguises itself and can even be mistaken for external resistance. You can usually tell its internal resistance when you find yourself making excuses that you only half-heartedly believe. When it comes down to it, you decided not to do the thing you wanted to do. In my experience, accountability works here because in investigating the resistance you’ll discover it wasn’t really about the story or excuse, instead it was a feeling, a fear, or a belief that you were holding, once identified resistance loses much of its power. The work is recognizing it for what it is, identifying the source, and deciding to feel the discomfort and do it anyway.
External resistance is more obvious. This is when you really want to do something but you feel genuinely stymied by something outside yourself to get it done. Accountability works here because it forces you to confront what’s frustrating your efforts. It could be lack of boundaries, unchecked distractions, a conversation that needs to take place, or a change in approach. Accountability gives you a place to name what’s in the way and make concrete commitments to address it.
No matter what the source of resistance is, it is part of any worthwhile goal or effort. So knowing what it is, where it comes from, and how to address it are critical.
The obstacle, as Marcus Aurelius reminds us, is not separate from the path. It is the path.