Balancing self-compassion and drive isn’t easy. Our clients tend to have plenty of drive. As you might imagine, if you seek out accountability, it’s because you have goals and you want to make sure you accomplish them. However, self-compassion tends to be in shorter supply. After years of working with so many driven individuals, I’ve noticed it’s far easier to push ourselves toward burnout than it is to strike a healthy balance between the drive that propels us forward and the self-compassion needed to thrive along the way.
In our culture, we know what drive looks like. But as burnout rates rise, we also know that many of us are feeling its effects. A 2018 Deloitte survey found that 77% of U.S. professionals have experienced burnout in their current job. What we aren’t as skilled at recognizing is what self-compassion looks like.
I love this clip from Brené Brown, where she shares what the most compassionate people all have in common. Hint: It’s probably not what you think.
In our program, self-compassion looks like:
- Setting boundaries: Naming clear boundaries, even when it feels uncomfortable. This might mean taking a 24-hour pause before saying yes or saying no when you aren’t a “hell yes” to something.
- Listening to your body: Many clients use our program to reconnect with their bodies. This could mean resting when needed or building rest into your schedule, respecting your physical limits. For example, committing to walking as long as your knee feels up to it or lifting weights with the caveat that your shoulder injury doesn’t flare up.
- Reflecting with curiosity: When you don’t accomplish something you intended to or respond to something reactively, be curious rather than judgmental.
- Silencing your inner critic: We all have an inner critic, often mistaken for our driver. But in reality, you’ll get farther with encouragement and constructive feedback than with self-criticism.
Balancing drive with self-compassion isn’t as tricky as it seems once you accept that you don’t have to be hard on yourself to reach your goals. Maybe being tough on yourself worked in the past because it’s all you’ve ever tried. But there’s a different, better-feeling, and faster way.
We hope this post inspires you to practice more self-compassion. Respecting your boundaries and being kind to yourself are just as important as pushing forward—because both are essential to sustainable, long-term success.
