Everything is going great, your hard work is paying off, things seem to be happening even better than you hoped and you can see that you are on the brink of realizing your goal/vision/plan and suddenly you start to panic. You feel yourself moving from the state that got you to this great place in the first place and moving to the state that kept you stuck or has ruined far too many things for you in the past.
Self-sabotage is an interesting phenomena and it can take many forms. It can take the form of worry or anxiety, it can make us revert to old habits that don’t serve us, it can lead to poor choices, or it can take the seemingly innocent and oh so detrimental form of procrastination.
The strange thing is that the closer that we get to what we want the more we have to face our fears. You would think that the opposite is true, because those first steps, making the decision, putting yourself out there, taking a risk can all be so difficult but actually the real work is done in that last 10%. To get through that last 10% you have to experience a shift. You have to grow beyond who you’ve been in the past. You know the place well of wanting, of hoping, of striving, but you do not know the place of having. Even if what we are after we know will be incredibly positive and fulfilling on another level its unfamiliar and it requires us to do something different than we’ve ever done before.
It’s like when you decide to jump off some rocks into a pool of water. It looks scary but fun so you decide to do it. Then after you did all the work of climbing up the rocks you are looking at the water far below and you don’t want to jump. You thought you were scared before but now you are really scared. Your mind starts in and urges you to go back to the safety below. So what do you do when you are on the precipice of getting what you want?
1. Hold the vision. When you started out to create this you had a vision, whether you wrote it down, shared it with someone, or just internalized it. You have some picture in your mind, some plan, goal, hope or dream that has gotten you this far. Reconnect with it as often as possible. If it’s visual put it where you can see it everyday, if it’s written read it every day, if it’s an idea, set a reminder on your phone. This is your why, stay connected to it.
2. Externalize your fears. Fears seem very real when they’re living inside your head. Instead of letting them take up so much space get them out. It can be in the form of journaling, a conversation with someone you trust who will just listen, or even turning them over to God or the Universe or whatever you believe in. Once you externalize your fears you will change your relationship to them, they may remain, but the energy and intensity will be diminished.
3. Recommit. You are almost there, the last thing you want to do is back down now and you know it. The word commitment is powerful, so use it and use it often. Replace “I want”, “I hope”, or “I wish”, with “I’m committed to.”
4. Get a support system in place. Figure out how you are going to stay accountable to your commitment. You have to do the work but it doesn’t have to happen in a vacuum.
By holding your vision, externalizing your fear, recommitting, and putting a support system in place you will get through that last 10%, you will jump into the water, and when you are swimming in the delicious water of your intention, you will not be the same person who set out for the climb in the first place. You will be strengthened and invigorated by the fear you faced to make that jump.
Thank you, Nicole! This one came from my day snow shoeing up in Tahoe.
so good! i’m loving your blog!